Can I Stop My Child's Other Parent from Having Romantic Overnight Guests During His/Her Parenting Time?

One common provision included in Tennessee Parenting Plan Orders is the so-called "paramour provision" or "morality clause."  It usually reads similar to the following:

 "Neither parent shall have a member of the opposite sex, or a romantic partner of the same sex, not related to the children by blood or marriage stay overnight while the children are in that parent’s care." 

I sometimes recommend such a provision in a parenting plan if the parties have conservative values (as I personally do) or are otherwise concerned about the other parent's choice of romantic partners.  If the provision is included by the agreement of the parents, generally speaking, the court will enforce it.

However, a question I frequently hear from clients is, "in the absence of an agreement, can I keep my spouse (or the child's other parent) from having his/her boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night while the kids are there?"  Unfortunately for parents who would want such a provision, Tennessee courts are not supposed to put such a requirement in their orders routinely.  Instead, such a provision is really only appropriate in one of two situations: (1) there is a specific concern about a specific boyfriend/girlfriend (for instance, the father's girlfriend is a registered sex offender) or (2) one parent has a history of very bad decisionmaking concerning people he/she dates and/or allows to interact with the minor children (for instance, the mother who has a different "boyfriend" spend the night every night for a week).  The key is demonstrating that the children would be negatively affected by the overnight presence of a boyfriend/girlfriend, and not just in a moral sense.

With that said, I still urge my clients to consider whether it is really wise to have overnight romantic guests during parenting time on a regular basis.  First of all, rebound relationships can be ill-advised and end poorly.  There is also the possibility of confusing the children if you allow multiple overnight partners with whom you are not seriously involved.  Children have a right to stability and consistency that is not necessarily well served by a revolving bedroom door.  Furthermore, if the parents are still married to one another, sexual relations outside the marriage are adulterous in nature, which could potentially be a factor in the divorce proceedings. 

To me, though, the most compelling reason to be careful about overnight romantic guests is that parents operating under a parenting plan no longer have the privilege of spending every day with their children as they might have when living together.  New love can be intoxicating, and the presence of a girlfriend or boyfriend during parenting time could detract from the time and attention the parent could give to the children if no paramour were present.  In such cases, parents should consider saving overnight dates for times when the children are with the other parent.  

Then again, if the parent and the boyfriend/girlfriend are embarking on a new life together as a family unit that includes the children in a healthy way, this might not be the case at all. 

As with any child-related decision, each parent should earnestly consider what is best for each minor child and use his or her best wisdom and judgment to make it happen.